Focosi.net: BANNED! - 02/06/2008

Posted by Amy Wed February 6, 2008, 3:57 pm

BANNED!
Places I'm no longer allowed (with my kid):

1. Wal-Mart
2. Chuck E. Cheese
3. Toys R Us
4. The Mall

Or at least I know longer feel comfortable showing my face at these places after Alex has thrown UNfathomable, INdescribable tantrums usually when having to leave these establishments. As a mom, it is one of the crappiest feelings in the world...feeling all eyes on you as you (attempt to!) carry your uncontrollable, screaming, crazy child out of there. Honestly, I'm surprised I have not been stopped by security. I know I LOOK like I'm kidnapping this kid. I have thought about how all of this is captured on security cameras, yikes. I will say that he was acting up when leaving Chuck E. Cheese not too long ago and I joked to the lady who lets you past the rope if she wanted to take him home with her. Well, then when she went to scan our hands with the black light (to make sure our numbers matched up, that Alex came in with me), apparently the stamp was not showing up on my hand?! She said I must have washed it off, but I didn't even use the restroom. So, she asked Alex if I was his mommy because, according to her, kids won't lie about that in the situation. Honestly, I was surprised the police weren't called..cause he didn't want to go home with me and it was questionable whether I wanted him going home with me, or not.

The "twos" were terrible....they were. Whew...but age 3, for Alex anyway, has been SO difficult, much worse. He not only fights us about the big things (in HIS world--such as leaving someplace fun), but also every little thing. EVERYTHING is a battle with him lately. We are struggling to deal with him, I'm not going to lie. I think I need Supernanny. Any suggestions for us...if you've already been through it or are dealing with it now as well? We're all ears!!

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Oh My...I always fell bad for those parents AND total admiration at the same time. I am sure it is so hard to remain totally calm in those situations. Hang in there you!
Posted by: Frances Tue February 19, 2008, 9:54 pm

The "Terrible Twos" is a bad joke played on moms to get them to think their kids aren't all that bad before three hits. Dominic was a @%!@#! for that entire year and even a little beyond. Don't feel bad for admitting that being with him is hard because I felt that way about Dom every day. The good news is that this too SHALL pass and he will become the most sweet, lovable, and mostly agreeable child by five, for sure. One day at a time. I don't know if you've ever checked out 1-2-3 Magic, but it has worked like a charm on both of mine since they were two (at least when Dominic wasn't a totally out-of-control banshee child).
Posted by: Julie Sun February 17, 2008, 3:43 pm

Hi Amy! I was looking for your email address here on your blog, read this entry, and want to tell you about a great book that has helped us immensely in the past few months with Anna. It's called Don't Make Me Count to Three by Ginger Plowman and it's a wonderful tool that helps teach parents how to discipline their children God's way, according to scripture. It teaches the parents how to get to the heart of each behavior problem actually focusing on the child's heart attitude and how to help them correct it, not just on dealing with the behavior. I didn't think it would work with Anna being just 2 but she's now doing so much better, is reciting scripture back to us, and actually seems to understand that choosing to disobey mommy and daddy is wrong. You can order the book from www.gingerplowman.com or cbd.com where it's a few dollars cheaper. It's been an AWESOME resource for us and I can't speak highly enough about it. Why wouldn't the words of The One who created our children stop them dead in their tracks when they're choosing to disobey? :0)
Posted by: Gretchen Thu February 14, 2008, 10:12 pm

I won't even lie...three was so hard for us. I literally wanted to kill Ethan. He was so incredibly naughty and defiant. We went to USA roller rink for that toddler skate and he ran across the rink away from me. I went to get him and I had Emily in the stroller and he is hitting me and screaming two inches from my face. Then other friends tried to help me with him (while I was battling major postpartum depression and Emily wouldn't sleep) and he hit my friends and they had to put him in time out. It was just a really embarrassing time for me as a mom. You will get through it, I promise! Hugs to you- I wish I had wiser words. All I can say is, yes, I totally understand.
Posted by: Amy Mon February 11, 2008, 11:33 am

I do remember so well the time I had to literally drag Sam, kicking & screaming, out of the mall because he threw a major tantrum after refusing to try on the stupid halloween costume in the Disney store. So, yeah, been there before....many times! Probably won't help much when I say they just tend to get whinier as they get older. But at least the whining is much quieter than the screaming! Really, they're just testing the boundaries and, as long as you are consistent with what you say & do, it'll get better. Maybe not until they hit college but, hey, at least there's something to look forward to!!! ;-)
Posted by: AnneMarie Sat February 9, 2008, 3:00 pm

We've seen some terrible kids here in Germany. Last week in the grocery store, this kid in a stroller was screaming at the top of his lungs. His mother ignored him! He carried on so long, I had to leave that area. The kid went like this for 10 minutes! I wanted to smack the parent. At least, try to comfort the kid, but she just ignored him??? I hope that's not what they teach you about parenting. Last summer, we went out to a Spanish restaurant for our weekly 'date night' and this 6 or 7 yr old girl was running around hitting another girl (younger and smaller) and we saw it and she saw us watching. She came up to explain to us (in german) that the other girl made her do it because she wanted something. The four parents were at another table ignoring all of it. If my child had walked up to another table to talk to strangers, I'd be all over it. But these people never once looked up. Alex is at that age of getting independent, so just don't worry about how you're doing. You at least care enough to pay attention. I'd support you any day over these weirdos here. :-)
Posted by: Lisa Fri February 8, 2008, 11:05 am

Beat him into submission. I mean it. If you're gonna get arrested, don't get arrested for something silly like attempted child abduction...get arrested for something good like beating the ever living crap out of your child. Okay, okay, so I'm just kidding. Don't do that. I was just trying to get a laugh out of you! I think you're handling it wonderfully. And don't worry, other parents (or nannies) who have already been through it are looking at you with sympathy, because we know what it's like. All the other people who are staring at you in judgment (because they haven't dealt with it yet) have it coming to them. :) Hugs!!
Posted by: Lindsay Thu February 7, 2008, 7:13 pm

Considering I don't have kids it's easy for me to stare at those people and wonder. But I must say the ones I see taking their children out of the store and holding firm on their decissions are the ones I admire and don't look down upon. The ones that just let their children scream and continue to shop or in one case I saw talk to a friend for 20 minutes at the grocery store instead of trying to hurry up and finish are the ones that drive me nuts. The ones that just let their kids run wild without any discipline are the ones that I worry about. Those kids are the ones that are going to be impossible in school because their parents let them run all over them so their is no hope for a teacher. Congratulations on sticking to your convictions.
Posted by: Angela Thu February 7, 2008, 1:31 pm

Everyone has seemed to say it all.... consistency, stay firm in your decision, and this too shall pass, cry out to God and ask him for more strength and discernment in dealing with this! I remember when Helene seemed to be at the top of her game in this area. It was rough I won't lie. I thought I was going to loose it a few time (to be honest I did), but I made it through what I hope was the worst for now. You know she can have quite the personality and opinion. I know it will take her a long way in life with such determation, as I believe it will later be a strength in Alex too!
Posted by: Jessica Thu February 7, 2008, 10:13 am

Good Morning dear friend. My conviction that I shared last night was strong enough to have me up this am (a whole 8am!!!) and I read this and you came to mind: Psalm 37:5 Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass. Now as I step on my pulpit, I'll just say that I believe this says you should just keeping seeking the Lord in this matter of Alex-HE WILL bring it to pass. I remember crying to our pedi back when TJ was 2 for this very matter and he introduced me to the parenting classes at Faith. You are a great mom-just stand strong, be firm but gentle and keep loving Alex even when he seems unloveable. And PS Does this meaan we won't see you back next week for the playtime? Love ya! ~R
Posted by: Renay Thu February 7, 2008, 8:29 am

Amy, We've ALL been there. Three is definitely worse than two when it comes to this behavior, I believe. Don't feel badly. When people look at you, most of them are remembering their own experiences and feeling a little empathy for you. I think you just have to be consistent and not give in to whatever they're demanding. They figure it out eventually. :)
Posted by: Angie Wed February 6, 2008, 9:12 pm

I have only had the one kid, but I'll say that Griffin did many of the same things. With him, it was essential to never back down, make the consequences clear, and follow-through every time he violated his boundaries. Exploring boundaries is what they're doing at that age. Griffin is more likely to freak out if something is sudden to him, so we tend to make sure to tell him ahead of time when we're gonna need to stop and do something less fun. This often helps, but not always. 8)
Posted by: Edward Finkler Wed February 6, 2008, 6:29 pm

2008 Mike and Amy Focosi