An Update
Hello All,
I know a lot of you totally understood where I was at with my last blog entry, but I know many of you have been concerned and wondering how I'm doing now.  Many of my local friends are aware, but I wanted to update all of you as well, since my life is now somewhat of an open book!  God has made me so transparent and honest through Lydia and our experience that I feel I am supposed to share with all of you.

After being assessed at my doctor's office this past Wednesday morning, I was prescribed a different sleeping pill at that time (time-release Ambien).  My doctor was appropriately suggesting (based on everything I was reporting) Zoloft at that visit to help with anxiety, stress, and possibly some depression, which would be contributing to my not sleeping.  I was quite adamant about trying an alternate sleeping pill first, so that is the route we went on Wednesday.  I then had 2 more restless nights of sleep even with the new sleeping pill and I finally decided on Friday morning (when in a severe state of exhaustion) that this "plan" was not working for me.  I had not slept well for almost 2 weeks and I could not go on this way.  My health was at risk and my family was suffering. (Oh, and I do want to mention that I have been on Prednisone--an oral steroid-- since right after having Lydia for an awful reaction on my back from the epidural, again!  I am now down to just 1 a day for 2 more days...but these steroids have not helped anything in the sleep/mood dept., although has helped my back tremendously).

I put my pride aside! and realized I needed to listen to the good people and doctors in my life (and my body!) and go the alternate route.  I have a 1-month prescription to Zoloft (no more sleeping pills) now to help neutralize me.  I truly have been more anxious than any other time in my life, not to mention very hormonal!  I was told that Zoloft will not be addictive, will not numb me (I will still feel!) and I will maintain my charming personality :-).  And so far, that is all true.  I feel more like myself than I have in the past week.  I have been sleeping MUCH better the last few days and I just feel healthier.

I know a lot of women/moms who read this on here will be able to relate or even have some experience with what I have to say and where I am now.  Not so sure about the men...but that's okay.

Now I am quite aware that (during the grieving process) in the near and distant future I will have some good and some bad days, or even moments to my days.  I realize that.  I will take "the good" when I can...and if I feel the need to cry or be mad (haven't been angry yet!) some days, that is alright.  I will heal in my own time and feel whatever the heck I wanna feel! 

I got such a kick out of my friends who know me so well, who responded after my last entry with encouraging/loving e-mails, but then got all crappy with me at the end and would say in CAPS, "NOW DON'T YOU DARE RESPOND TO THIS E-MAIL, GIRL!"  Heehee, I adore you all.  And I appreciate you looking out for me.

My mom came this weekend and helped me clean/organize my house. Makes quite the difference in my mood.  Alex and I have had some wonderful time together today indoors.  We had a blast.  I feel like we BOTH look at each other through new and brighter eyes now!

Thank you all, again, for your continued love and support. This may sound odd to some of you, but the other night Mike and I hugged and both said we truly feel blessed.  It's so unbelievable that out of something so traumatic we would feel that way, but we do!!  The friendships I have formed, the unconditional love I have for others and others have for us...it's unbelievable.  SO many good things (and God-things!) have come out of Lydia's short life and our time with her (in and outside the womb).

I PRAISE GOD that we have come out of this feeling truly BLESSED!!!